english assignment #1

Okay, fellow bogosphere dwellers, here it is – the first english assignment.

Assignment: Write a paragraph on the topic sentence “The person who motivates me to succeed is ________.” Be sure to include the topic sentence in your paragraph.

What i wrote:

   The person who motivates me to succeed is my mother, Brenda. I admire her for the way she’s always been there for me. I want to show her that because she believes in me, I believe – and that because of that belief, I can succeed. She inspires me through her dedication to everything she does. Furthermore, she’s going back to college herself for a degree at twice my age, while supporting a family of four. I want to make her proud and be able to tell her that I wouldn’t have been able to do it without her. For all these reasons and more, my mom is the person who inspires me.

What would you have written?

Is there anything that you would have phrased differently? If so, how would you have phrased it?

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